It all starts today.

Hello. :)
This is not the first time that I have thought about blogging, because then I, honestly, didn't feel that I was ready. I needed to focus more on myself. And I was right. But now I am ready to help others who have came to me and asked. This seems to be the easiest way to do so. But before I say anything else, I want to say that I do not have it all figured out. I still struggle, and I have come to terms that I always will. I am not a licensed dietician and/or therapist. The reason for me doing this is to fill that part in my heart that finds peace in helping the people around me. These are just the things that have worked for me and they might not work for everyone else. But I sure hope they help...at least. :)
I guess I should start with myself. I have dieted all my life. Name a fad diet, and I can guarentee you that I have done it. ...and failed. I have always had a weight problem...well since I can remember. I got "it" honest, as most would say. I have never been able to eat fast food, drink sugary drinks, or eat tons of candy. Now, that's not to say that I have before. But I quickly learned my body couldn't afford it. The hard thing about me was since I didn't have bad habits...I couldn't just "cut them out". I ate healthy and those were always my first choices when it came to food. I already did and preferred the basics: mustard instead of mayo, wheat instead of white, salsa instead of cheesedip, diet coke instead of regular, etc. I don't have skinny highschool pictures in my old albums or skinny jeans in my closet. I have never been able to wear a bikini or wear a tank top with no sleeves. So being skinny has always been an acheivement that I can't even partially relate to.
I can say, it has all started with honesty. After my last diet that I failed in May of 2011, I found myself an emotional wreck. I had drained my body. My OCD-self let my house be out of control and let my body feel miserable. There had to be an easier way. And I was wrong. There is not an easy way...but there is a better way and in turn, will help make it somewhat easier. It took me forever to realize that. And on that day, as hard as it was, I googled "food addiction" and felt my name should have been written in bold on the website. I fit almost every single qualification. I will just highlight the ones I fit into, just to give you a general idea.
1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't?
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly?
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success?
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
12 Do you eat in secret?
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
 14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?

All but two...see?
Mine was mostly psychological and that's where most addictions lay, isn't it? I thought about my weight in some way or another atlead 85%-90% a day. Sad, I know. And I still do. Just in a different way. In a healthy way.
But I can honestly say, that was step 1. And I didn't take step 2 until November (after my engagement-mind you.)
I had bought a gym membership...it was my third one, I believe...and finally just realized that I was not going to go. It bored me to death and it still does. That's why I don't go. Not only did it bore me, but once I would go, it would be the end of my day. I had to go shower and re-do my hair and everything afterwards. I couldn't afford to do that. On the same token, I wouldn't go at night. So the gym was just a bust for me.
Now, these are the things that made it so hard for me. And I'm laying it all out there for you: just warning. I weighed *deep breath* over 220lbs and had maintained that for three years (at least) and in a size 16. I have never shopped in plus sizes or even needed to. I'm built so evenly that most people didn't believe I weighed that...but I did. Sadly enough. I have a man in my life who loves me for who I am and has never mentioned my weight to me. And to be honest, before him, I never had a problem finding a man. That helped to. Obviously there wasn't too much wrong with me, right? Wrong. Also, I was healthy. No bad blood work for me or anything. That went with the way I ate...not bad at all. Those things made it difficult for me to realize how much I needed the change.
I got engaged in August and in the beginning of November, it hit me. I will be getting married a year from now. My wedding pictures won't hide anything and I will have to look at those fat pictures and regret not making a change for the rest of my life. Then, on the same day, I had saw a quote on pinterest that said....

I knew it had to happen. My sister and I had made an appointment at Dr. Caruthers at Options Diet Clinic on November 7. I owe that lady a lot. Honestly.
But going into it, I was not too interested. She put us on Adipex (which I had been on before), so all I could think was..."here we go again...this isn't going to work." But she taught me how to eat with it. And that's what I needed. For Adipex, you have to know how to eat with it. While taking it, you won't want to, but you have to. That's all she needed to tell me. Before, I wouldn't eat with it and then when my body got used to it...I was back at square 1. But Adipex just helps your mental process and hopes that once it wears off, you will have the lifestyle change achieved. Finally, I do.
She taught me so many things and I have learned some on my own. She measured me and showed me that the lowest I ever need to weigh is 150-160. No one has ever done that before. They would look at my height and say I needed to weigh 120lb. That was discouraging enough as it was. I had measurements in the optimal region (explains still being in a size 16 at that weight) and that helped, as well. There is such thing as "big boned"...and I am that, for sure. We were on an understanding that I had good eating habits but my workout schedule was....zero. That's where I needed to improve. I told her about the gym and I's relationship, and she looked at me dead in the eye and said, "You're a perfectionist, aren't you?" YES! She said that is where I mess up. You don't have to be in the gym to get adequate exercise, and that was all I had ever known. That helped a lot.

The rest is history. But I'll share the things she taught me and things I have taught myself in the next post.
:)

And remember:

It's never too late.